Poems

I will let these speak for themselves.

The roller coaster 

Most people roll along at an even pace
With a few occasional dips and bumps and sometimes singing crescendos:
A wedding, a birth
And sometimes devastating lows :
A loss, a death
But my life is a constant roller coaster
I am always going up or down
Bubbly barrel rolls
Or terrifying falls that leave me screaming, panting, feeling out of control.
Sometimes the downward tilt is so gradual that I don't even realize until I'm submerged in the water underneath and I
can't
breathe.
Unlike a roller coaster, the descents are never fun,
It is the climbing highs that spark joy but sometimes
too
much
And the sparks ignite a fire
And the rails are burning.
Sometimes I wish for a steady train ride like other people
But wonder if I'd miss the dazzling heights
The medication is a seat belt
Holding me in so I don't go flying and
Crumple
to
the
ground.
Sometimes it's too tight, uncomfortable
And I long for sailing heights among the stars
But with the stars come clouds
And with the clouds come rain
And I am wet and miserable, or numb from the cold.
So I dry myself with a fluffy towel
And try to take care of myself
To predict the highs and lows and
Put on
The brakes.
To wear a waterproof jacket to protect me from the icy spray, and wrap around sunglasses for the burning stars.


Self care.
Self.
Myself.
I care.
I am.
I will.

Riding the wave

Riding the wave.
It's thrilling;
A roller coaster that keeps going uP
Don't let it go down
And spiral
out of
control.
Channel the energy;
thrummmming from deep withiin.
Ants in my brain,
Buzzing bees,
Harness them}
Tiny bee harnesses}}}
Harni???
Let them pulll you to
Creative
Outpourings of
organisation
planning
lists
1.
2.3.
Enthusiasm
Passion
Dyyynamism
Energgy.
But. Be careful.
Beware the Jaberwock my son.
My daughter.
Do not feed it's hungry mouth
And look into its flaming eyes;
'All the better to see you with my dear'.
Shun that frumious Bandersnatch.
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
You can chortle in your joy;
But be on guard []
Batten down the hatches  i - - - i
Close that stair gate XxX
Lest your mind come
tumbling
down
Followed by your
body.
Gird your wallet.
Zzzzip it up and swallow the key.
Put that debit card
on ice.
No
shopping 'till you're
Dropping.
Your bank account will feel it later
And weep red tears.
Et voila:
Ride the wave;
But beware of sharks.

A tightrope walker being pulled up by balloons and pulled down by leaded weights
Dancing on the backs of sharks
And being pulled down by seaweed

One side of my brain is lying down
The other is jumping up
The two sides meet
Crash
My
H
E
A
D

Nurture oneself

No, it's too hard, I can't say it.
N-n-n-n-no.
Enn Oh
No-o-o-o-o
I self eface
Wipe across the steamy mirror
Am I still there?
Say it
Tongue flicking off the bottom of your mouth
Giving it the bird
What? Life
Them
The constant demands
Physical
Emotional
Work
Family
Weigh
ing
You
DOWN.
You need to stop.
Say it.
Say it with me.
No. NO.
Nuture yourself.

This blinking illness.

Blink once, manic
Blink twice, depressed
Blinking bright lights manic
Blinking dark depressed
Blinking shimmy manic
Blinking curtain depressed
Blinking blinking blinking manic
Shut my eyes depressed
Eyes
open
and
stay
open.
Stable.
For now.

Being manic is like
Being drunk
Everything is very
Very fast
Very excited
Very energetic
Very loud
Very talkative
Very open
Very honest
Too honest
Then very slow
Very tired
So
L
e
t
h
a
r
g
i
c

Very everything