My black dog

                     Image credit: Matthew Johnstone 

Depression is often referred to as a black dog. Imagine a black Labrador lying on your chest so you can't get out of bed. Or the same dog pulling on its lead and preventing you from leaving the house. This gives you some idea of what depression is like for me. There are over forty different symptoms of depression, but some of those that I personally experience are being unable to get out of bed, feeling really tired, sleeping a lot, not wanting to socialise, not showering, feeling worthless, and losing the will to live. I have never attempted suicide or made any serious plans before, but I can't say it hasn't crossed my mind.

There is a difference between feeling down and having clinical depression, in which symptoms have to last two weeks or more. Depression is an illness, like diabetes, and not something that you can just 'snap out of'. It requires treatment, which can come in several different forms, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and medication. I was on antidepressants on and off for years, but unfortunately antidepressants are actually a very bad idea for someone with bipolar disorder, as they can make them manic. It makes sense if you think about it; antidepressants lift your mood, (I'll get into the science of this another time) but lift the mood of someone with bipolar disorder too much and they become manic. This is why antidepressants are not used to treat bipolar disorder, or at least not unless in combination with mood stabilisers, but more on that later.

All this to say that depression can be a stand alone (unipolar) illness, or part of bipolar disorder, but either way it's a shitty thing to go through and it is important to get treatment. If you do think that you might have depression, please reach out to your GP. It is important to get help and not to go through this alone.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, please call a hotline such as the Samaritans in the UK or SOS Amitié in France.